Given the discussions going on around the SEM community about how SEO is either rocket science, going to get harder, garbage, or dead, I felt that the best people to speak on this topic would be a selection of Oxford & Cambridge old boys…

Praline: Hello, I wish to register a complaint… Hello? Miss?
SEM Agency: What do you mean Miss?
Praline: I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
SEM Agency: Sorry, we’re closed for lunch.
Praline: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this SEO implementation plan what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
SEM Agency: Oh yes, the Google Blue. What’s wrong with it?
Praline: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it. It’s not rocket science, that’s what’s wrong with it.
SEM Agency: No, no it’s complicated, look.
Praline: Look my lad, I know a simple plan when I see one and I’m looking at one right now.
SEM Agency: No, no sir, it’s not simple. It’s complicated.
Praline: Complicated?
SEM Agency: Yeah, remarkable SEO implementation plan the Google Blue, beautiful ranking, innit?
Pralie: The ranking don’t enter into it - it’s bleedin’ easy.
SEM Agency: No, no - it’s really hard.
Praline: All right then, it it’s hard let’s take a look (shouting) Title tag, meta tags, fresh content…
SEM Agency: (ruffles papers) There in the index.
Praline: What index?
SEM Agency: There that index.
Praline: That’s just some notes in pencil on the back of the last page… analytics, external linking, url structure. Now that’s more like it. Do you have an implementation plan that actually has all of this in it?
SEM Agency: Let me look… no.
Praline: Well what do you have then?
SEM Agency: Well, I have this PPC Implementation plan.
Praline: Is it geotargeted?
SEM Agency: Yes.
Praline: Where to?
SEM Agency: Norway. Tells you all about the right keywords for people pining for the fjords
Praline: Pining for the fjords, what kind of campaign is that? Look, I want something that’s complicated so I feel I’m getting my money’s worth.
SEM Agency: Well, I’d better replace it then.
Praline: (to blog) If you want to get anything done in this country you’ve got to complain until you’re blue in the mouth.
SEM Agency: Sorry gov, we’re right out of complicated SEO implementation plans.
Praline: I see, I see, I get the picture.
SEM Agency: I’ve got a paid inclusion plan.
Praline: Well, it’s scarcely a replacement then is it?
SEM Agency: Not really, no. Look, what do you want?
Praline: No I’m sorry, I’m not prepared to pursue my line of enquiry any further as I think this is getting too silly…

Apologies to messers Chapman, Cleese, Palin, Idle, Jones and Gilliam.